Scripture reading: Deuteronomy 6:4–9

Unfocused on the Family

O Absalom, my son, my son! (II Samuel 18:33)

It would be difficult to find a more dysfunctional family than that of King David. Though he was a great king, he was a terrible dad. Because he had multiple wives, the children in this blended family were in an environment ripe for conflict. But the problems really began when David committed adultery with another man’s wife. After that, things just went from bad to worse. The story of David’s family makes any soap opera look tame in comparison.

_ David commits adultery with Bathsheba and has her husband killed. (II Samuel 11)
_ David’s son Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar. (II Samuel 13)
_ David’s son Absalom murders Amnon because he raped his sister. (II Samuel 13)
_ Absalom rebels against his father and steals the throne, forcing David into exile and the nation into civil war .(II Samuel 15)
_ Absalom sleeps with his father’s ten concubines in a tent on the roof of the palace in the sight of all Israel. (II Samuel 16:15–23)
_ Absalom is finally killed in the rebellion while hanging by his hair helplessly in a tree. David is inconsolable in his grief. (II Samuel 18)
_ David’s son Adonijah leads a conspiracy to make himself king but fails in his attempt at a palace coup. (I Kings 1:5–10)
_ David’s son Solomon is crowned king at his death. Though at first he is a godly man, later in life he becomes a womanizer and an idolater. (I Kings 11:1–8)

Discussing this sad story would most likely be a waste of time if it weren’t in the Bible. Yet God wants us to know this story so we can learn from the mistakes of others. Looking at how David raised his kids provides us with a sure-fire, bonafide, money-back- guaranteed formula for producing really messed up kids. If you want to raise children who grow up to become rapists, murderers and insurrectionists, then do what David did.

1. Be a spiritual hypocrite. Make sure that your walk does not match your talk. David was a worship leader and hymn writer while having an affair with another man’s wife. His kids were watching the whole time.

2. Never discipline your children. Though David’s kids were literally getting away with murder, there is no indication he ever disciplined any of them. He spoiled Adonijah rotten as a child, “never once reprimanding him”  (I Kings 1:6, The Message).

3. Be emotionally distant from your kids. For five years David gave Absalom the silent treatment. Rather than talking issues through, David remained detached and cold. Is there any wonder that seeds of rebellion were growing in Absalom’s heart?

4. Be controlled by your emotions. In his latter years, rather than controlling his emotions, David was controlled by them! Often weeping, sometimes angry, frequently moody and unpredictable, no one was ever quite sure how David would respond to a given situation.

Now, after studying how David raised his kids, go and do the opposite!

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy
family is unhappy in its own way.
—Leo Tolstoy

point to ponder • Think about how your parents raised you. What did they do right? What did they do wrong?

prayer focus • Your parents, and while you’re at it, for everyone else’s.