Scripture reading: Matthew 5:27–30

Can We Talk?

I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (I Timothy 2:9–10 NIV)

The arrival of summer brings a change of wardrobe. Women wear less and men struggle with temptation. We’re family, so can we talk about this? Below is an “Open Letter” to sisters in Christ that will, I hope, enable us to have a candid conversation about dress and the battles men face with sexual temptations.

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 Dear Sister in Christ,

This is awkward. But as your brother in the Lord I would like to share some candid thoughts about a sensitive subject. I have chosen to communicate via letter hoping that perhaps this will spare us the embarrassment of discussing sexual temptation face to face. Please accept my effort as an expression of my deep love and respect for you.

It’s about the way you dress. To be blunt, your clothing (or lack of it) often makes it difficult to keep my thoughts pure. (I told you this was going to be awkward!) Yes, it’s summer and fashions are what they are. I know it is not your intention to be a temptress; I am certainly not blaming you for my own struggles with sexual temptation! Those are my problems, not yours. Rather, my intent is simply to ask you to be careful about what you wear.

I have no clue what goes through your mind when you make decisions about the clothes you buy and what you wear. Whether you are motivated by comfort, fashion or economics, I simply don’t know. Whether you desire to cause men’s heads to turn as you pass by is beyond my ability to discern. I only know that short skirts, exposed midriffs, tight-fitting clothing, low necklines and strapless tops make it difficult for me, as a man, to keep my thoughts pure. When you wear clothing that emphasizes your body rather than your face, your shape rather than your character, well, my thoughts are tempted to wander.

At this point, you probably want to say to me, “This is your problem, not mine! Why should your temptations dictate my choice of clothing?” And of course, you are right. It is my problem, I know that better than anyone! But as members of the family of God, can’t we talk about this? We both need to better understand one another when it comes to sexual temptation. The stakes are too high to avoid the conversation simply because it feels so awkward!

Please accept this letter in the spirit in which it is written: an effort to talk honestly with a sister about a difficult subject. I want to be a godly man. I want to walk in purity. And sister, I know that you desire this too. I am not blaming you for my temptations. I am simply asking you to prayerfully consider what you wear. Your choice in clothing is more important than you know.

In Christian love,

Your brother in the Lord

Perfect humility dispenses with modesty.

—C. S. Lewis

point to ponder • What thoughts guide your decisions in the clothing you choose to wear?

prayer focus • For women—not just in our churches, but everywhere—to understand that beauty does come from within.